Remembering Ryan

In 2018, I lost my oldest friend, Ryan. We had known each other since we were 2 years old, growing up in the same council flat with our mums, both of whom were single parents. Without fathers in our lives, we became each other's family, spending our childhoods as inseparable friends. Even when our families moved to different homes, we stayed close only a five-minute walk from each other.

As we got older, life inevitably pulled us in different directions. We weren’t as close in our teens, but every time I saw Ryan, we’d always say hello and have a quick catch-up. What I didn’t realise was how much he was struggling beneath the surface.

Ryan had a fascinating life. He travelled the world as a photographer, working for companies like Thomas Cook, and met people from all over the globe. At his funeral, I met friends from his travels, and it was clear how loved and popular he was. But despite all the love around him, Ryan’s demons were still there ones he kept hidden from so many of us.

I vividly remember one of the last times I saw him. In the summer of 2018, I saw a social media post from Ryan saying he needed a van to move his things back to his mum’s house. I was working as an electrical engineer at the time and had access to a van, so I pulled some strings to help him out.

We met the next day, loaded his things from storage, and spent the day reminiscing, laughing about old times. At one point, he pulled out some art he had collected from one of his travels and offered it to me. Those pieces still hang on my wall today, a constant reminder of him. After we finished, we grabbed coffee, smoked cigarettes, and sat in the van like we were kids again, except this time we had coffee and smokes in hand instead of toys.

I took him back to his mum’s house and helped unload his things. It was the first time I’d seen his mum in over 20 years, and we hugged like no time had passed. Little did I know that would be the last time I saw Ryan. A few months later, I would see his mum again, but this time at his funeral.

Ryan took his own life after a night out. He hung himself, and no one was there to stop him. That’s the tragedy of suicide so often, people seem fine on the outside, hiding their pain until it’s too late.

After Ryan passed, I struggled. My partner was pregnant with our daughter, work was grinding me down, and the loss of Ryan hit hard. I sought help from the NHS but was met with the same obstacles so many others face: long waiting times, a lack of adequate mental health services, and an overwhelming feeling of being lost. I eventually had a breakdown due to PTSD, forcing me to leave my job in 2019.

But it was in that dark period that I found a new path in charity work. Ryan’s death ignited a fire in me to create something that would support people like him, a system that wouldn’t let them down. His story became a driving force behind everything I do with X-4RCE, and why I’m committed to making sure no one feels they have to suffer in silence.

World Suicide Prevention Day: Let’s Be There for Each Other

Today, on World Suicide Prevention Day, I think of Ryan and the countless others who have lost their lives to suicide. It’s a stark reminder of how important it is to support one another, to create spaces where people can talk about their struggles without fear or judgment.

Suicide is preventable, and the more we talk about it, the more we can break the stigma surrounding mental health. Let’s make sure that no one has to feel as though they’re fighting their battles alone. Check in on your friends, reach out for help if you’re struggling, and let’s build a community where support is always available.

At X-4RCE, we’re dedicated to doing just that. Through our peer support groups and community initiatives, we want to ensure that men like Ryan never feel alone again. If you or someone you know is struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out. Together, we can make a difference.

X-4RCE CIC: Be the hero your community needs.